New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
