Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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