There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
