It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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