I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
