she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
