I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
