awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
the gays at disneyland are vicious
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Randomize
