and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
