you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
