I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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