i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
We have started to decorate penises.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
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