I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
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