Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
It all started with a game of naked twister.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize