my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
