Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
you win again, gameday.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
