I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize