I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
You can't motorboat a personality
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
