Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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