she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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