...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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