Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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