I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
