I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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