do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
