you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
ttyl tear gas
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
