uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
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