Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
