He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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