just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Randomize
