i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
