BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
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