Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
