it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
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