they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
