If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
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