On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
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