SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
