So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
this must be what syphilis tastes like
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
