summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
