actually, I'm a sock model
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
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