Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Randomize
