Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
