They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
