Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I need to stop coming to work sober
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
