I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
