Betty ford says i'm here all night
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
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