You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
