Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
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