between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
