the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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