Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
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