Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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