I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
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