If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
