He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
