i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
