Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
This can only be settled by a dance off.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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