Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Randomize
