Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
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