I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
