i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
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