Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
