i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Randomize