I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
