who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
