I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
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