we have officially lost it.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
