I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
