My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
