You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
