C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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