I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
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