You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Randomize
